Conflict Are you conflict avoidant? I've worked with many men who are not attracted to their wives because their wives are needy and demand sex to feel okay about themselves. Control Most people like to be in control, but they hate being controlled. Staying Fit, Healthy and Sexy Many people work hard to stay fit while dating and then let themselves go after getting married. Time for Connection When people date, they set aside time for each other -- time to connect, to share, to learn and grow and have fun. The mystery is in the newness! One of them is that they fully opened their hearts to each other.
This often leads to shutting down your feelings. Inner Bonding , and Facebook: If your partner has to have sex with you for you to feel that you are okay, that may be a turnoff to your partner. Intimacy and passion do not flourish without time together to play, learn, grow, share and connect. Unresolved conflicts can create resentment, which may lead to a lack of being attracted to your partner. Having worked with thousands of couples for the last 44 years, I'd like to share with you what I've learned about what keeps passion alive Good sex also needs some mystery. Sexiness may include many things -- an inviting smile, being flirtatious with your partner, and alluring clothing, as well as a fit and healthy body. Knowing you are very important to your partner can give you the safety to be free in the bedroom -- to experiment with things you've never done before, to let your partner in on your fantasies, to create some mystery such as special date nights where one partner is in charge of the day or the evening. Sharing your learning and growth with your partner can lead to the excitement and newness that you had at the beginning of your relationship, and that excitement and newness can then show up on the bedroom. One of the quickest ways of losing your passion for your partner is to give yourself up to avoid rejection. They did not allow their fears of rejection or their fears of engulfment the two common fears that often get in the way of creating a loving relationship to get in the way of their love -- at least not permanently. If you tend to be controlling in a judgmental way while making love, this may be a turnoff to your partner. Connect with Margaret on Facebook: If you want your sex life to be fun and alive, you need to create time for fun and aliveness outside the bedroom. When you have learned to love and value yourself, then making love with your beloved is a way to express your love rather than a way to get love and validation. This can bring spice to your sex life as long as it is consensual. Opening to learning about yourself and your partner, rather than giving yourself up, withdrawing, getting angry or blaming will go a long way toward opening up your sex life to more fun and passion. This same issue comes up over and over with my gay clients as well. Often, once they live together, they get busy and no longer set aside time to be together. The popularity of the 50 Shades of Grey series attests to this. What are they doing differently than the complaining couples? The issue here is whether or not you are taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and well-being. Feeling fully seen, accepted, valued and cherished are really wonderful experiences, and these feelings can generate the kind of safety that leads to intimacy, spontaneity and aliveness in the relationship and in the bedroom. Having fun together, playing together, being able to laugh and joke together, are vital parts of an emotionally and sexually intimate and connected relationship, and they take time.
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