It pisses me off. One should not need to have sex with an unenthusiastic partner in order to feel loved by that partner. Hugo Schwyzer has taught history and gender studies at Pasadena City College since , where he developed the college's first courses on Men and Masculinity and Beauty and Body Image. Because if you only ever feel loved when you're engaged in sex, a long term relationship with all the ups and downs of that, will become awful and terrible. Has she had many other lovers in her life? Comments One of the evergreen topics surrounding relationships is the problem of uneven desire. If she feels wanted more often than not, she'll probably be willing to take a day or two off if you explain that you just can't keep up ahem. Get it in now because never know when you'l get it again! It's not rejection, it's just your body's sexual energy level.
You say that she thinks that "I don't want to 'be with her. I got disappointingly few responses from couples, and relatively few from men. I think you won't see progress about this issue until you both get on the same page that this is not actually about sex, and may be about self-esteem, confidence in the relationship, or myriad other issues. Did you mark your calendar? When someone wants to have sex with you more than you want to have sex with them, take a good hard look into why. Punishing her for it is ridiculous. But a long-term relationship of any decency needs passion and communication, and just picking one is rarely going to work out. Now, this is not to say that you need to have sex when you don't want to, but it does mean you have to be kind about it. Or, if sex is just not in the cards for you at all, is there some other way you'd be comfortable fufilling her need for physical intimacy? Meaning non-penetration as well. This part is super-important, and I don't want to give it short shrift, but I don't have much to add on it. The way you describe her crying and her representing the frequency of your interest in sexual activity as rejection, seems manipulative. It has nothing at all to do with punishment. Link to the previous post, which cannot be deleted or removed. She shouldn't manipulate you into sex, but this sounds more like a person who simply wants sex more often than her partner does and isn't afraid to be honest about it. Nail her like nobodys buisness. This isn't about her, but she's making it about her emotional worth and desirability. Only when you both understand each others' points of view are you going to be able to make any progress on this. That's a compromise that treats both partner's opinions as valid. That's intimate for you and sexual for her. It pisses me off. I can't imagine these folks would give you the same advice if the genders in your question were reversed, and I think that underscores why I think your GF's behavior is particularly unacceptable. IMO sex buddy sex it up. Crossposting content from here to another sub, including your own page Brigading. However, if you don't discuss it with your partner and reach a compromise you can both live with, it can have really toxic effects on the relationship. She's being rejected on Sunday. Not that emotional problems are any easier to fix than sexual problems.
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